where to begin...

well im sad to say that this is going to be quite a depressing blog. I feel like im going no where in life. I have no desire to go to college or university. I have No idea what i want to do for the rest of my life. And it's a half and half battle. "Oh you have lots of time dont worry about it, your still young. Its not like what you choose now will be what you do for the rest of your life, you have so many opportunities." or "Well you better not put it off too long before you know it you will be 30 and have kids no time for school and will go no where and be nobody." Thanks guys...real big help. I want to see the future but i dont know what im seeing. I dont know where to start and when. UGH i hate this.

Apparently god likes to bring my family down a notch just when things are getting better. My great-aunt judy (whom all the family is very close with) has been in the hospital since Feb 14th. She has numerous brain aneurysm's. She has been spiraling down wards ever since. She has been suffering with pain, loss of memory and depression for almost 3 months. A week ago the family signed a DNR so that if she goes the docs are not supposed to save her. Just let her go. And i know that its the best way cuz she will never be the same, her quality of life will never be the same. She wont remember any of her family and wont be able to do things on her own again. I just dont like the thought of my family dwindling. My family has gone through hell and back for the last couple years with tragedy and it seems like its never going to stop.