Scary

So yesterday at work was like one of the most scariest days ever. I lost my vision for like a minute. I started working at 11 yesterday and everything was fine. At 11:30 i got REALLY hot like really fast and i got kinda dizzy. So i went up to customer service and got some tylonal. As i was walking back to my till my vision kind of went really blurry. Then when i got to my till everything went black...completely black. My eyes were still open i just couldn't see anything. I was so scary i almost started crying, i thought i went blind. I yelled at jordan to run my till cuz i had customers. I just kinda walked back slowly until i felt jordans till and then i just slid down to the floor. I heard someone yell to cheryl (our supervisor) and she came and talked to me. By then my vision had come back and i was fine, I was just extremley hot and it was hard to breath. I was so scared. She wanted to take me to the hospital but i refused. I had just gotten to work and i didn't want to just leave them. I had something to eat and then went back to work. I was fine when i was working, i just had a really bad head ache and i would get really hot sometimes. My mom came in at 3 and talked to cheryl and she told my mom what had happened. She took me to the hospital and all the doctor told me was that it was a migraine and that i'm supposed to make a head ache diary and everytime i get a head ache i'm supposed to write down what i was doing at the time and how long it lasts and things like that, to see if there is a pattern with my head aches.

i hope it's nothing to worry about....

Fall into place

So today is my moms birthday (the big 40 haha) and our friend Sharon Cole is coming out today. Me and Sharon have been plotting against my mom and have been planing for Sharon to come and surprise my mom for her birthday. She is coming after school sometime, i'm really excited to see her. I used to go there every summer when my mom and dad were still together. She has a son jesse (i'm exactly one week older than him) and i grew up with him. He is a pretty cool guy, he is really quiet though....he is worse than me! And you have to be REALLY shy to be worse than me haha. I saw him last year but he can't come out today, he has rugby or something like that.

I talked to Braden last night trying to convince him that he should be spending more time with his friends, like the ones that he doesn't see very often. His cousin is coming to stay at his house from cremona and he still wants me to hang out with him today. I have no problem with it but it seems like i spend A LOT of time with him and i dont want his friends thinking that i'm stealing him away or anything. I always worry about that, he says i shouldn't but i still do, i'm always wondering what his friends think cuz i dont want them to hate me or anything and i dont want to be the cause of any fights. He also told me that he worries that he is not giving me enough personal space or time. I like having not a lot of time on my hands to my self because when i'm by myself and have nothing to do i tend to think a lot and that usually ends up in my crying over something...and it's usually something i cry about a lot.

I'm so confused, i want to give him more time with his friends but he always wants to hang out. i dont know what to do.

In the End

So first off i have a happy note for me haha. My mom found my phone so i dont have to get a new one. XD Braden came over for supper last night for the first time....it was really good and my mom likes him so that is good, i was just nervous haha. We went through my baby pics haha it was interesting :D next time i go to his house i want to go through his hehe.

Last night i talked to megan...every time i talk to her she says she can't wait for summer and when she asked how long the summer holidays were i told her 2 months. She thinks i'm staying for the whole 2 months but i'm not. I'm only staying a month...if that. I dont know if i could be away from home for that long. she was really upset when i told her that i wasn't going to be there for the whole summer. I wish she wouldn't cry over the phone, it just makes me upset and it makes me feel like a terrible sister. I dont know what to do or say to make her feel better.

Blah

So i'm sitting in my nice cool house, not looking forward to going to work in the boiling hot weather....actually it's not that hot, but when you have to wear black pants and a heavy tee shirt it is haha.

So the dance was okay i guess, i had more fun that i was with people i wanted to hang around with. So it wasn't that bad. I got my little cousin jeremy to dance his first slow dance with jessica...awwwwe!!! it made me happy haha!!

So how about i lost my cell phone haha. I'm pretty sure it's at bradens but when we looked for it we couldn't find it, i wonder if they will give me a new one if i said it was stolen? haha prob not but i can always hope and try right? XD

I will protect you from all around you, i will be here, dont you cry.

So this weekend should be pretty interesting, i work ALL the long weekend. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. It's going to be a very long weekend, i don't even think i have time to do anything.

I think Braden will want to hang out whenever I'm not working, but i don't know if i want to. It seems like he wants to hang out ALL the time. And i know that if we continue to hang out all the time then i don't know how long the relationship will last. So i think I'm just going to tell him that i just want to be alone this weekend. I was supposed to go camping this weekend with him out west, and it's pre grad and there will be a crap load of people there and a lot of them i wont even know. I don't want to go because i will just feel out of place.

The dance is tonight and I'm kind of nervous. I never have fun at dances, i always get ditched and i feel out of place and i don't dance very well....at all. I'm so self conscious about myself and I'm always worried about what other people think. I know i shouldn't but when you have friends who are all 20 times prettier and smarter than you it's hard not to be self conscious.

well i think I'm done my rant now. I guess i will just have to wait and see what happens tonight.

god bless this broken road that lead me straight to you

So me and braden have been dating for 2 months now and a lot of things have happend between the first few days and where we are now. I'm not too sure of what to think or do because i ahev never felt this way about anybody before. He says he loves me and i say it back but i dont know what love is....i'm not sure of how i'm supposed to feel, and i dont want to tell him that. Dont get me wrong, i like him a lot and i want to love him but i dont know how. I dont know what to say or do to prove to him that i love him too.
Ever since i have started dating him i have found myself happier. I look forward to go to school just so i get to see him and it's sooo easy to talk to him about anything. But the one thing i wont do when i date him is put him in front of my friends. My friends are my #1 priority and nothing will change that. I hope all my friends know that. And if i do something to them, like ditch them for him i hope they tell me because i wont do it intentionally.