total breakdown

Well graduation was good. You know, i wasnt as excited for it as i thought i was going to be. It was all just kind of a big blur to me and i dont know why but i just wasnt...happy when i was there. The grad party was ok, i was the first to go to bed because grad made me sooo exhausted. 2 days after grad i dragged my dads butt with me to calgary when he came down, so he could sign to get my belly button done. It didnt really hurt that bad, it felt more weird than it hurt.
Work still sucks ass, now we are open 24 hours, im not working the graveyard shift though, i refuse. I think its to scary and dangerous with all the retarded kids in this town. Not to mention what i have heard so far, i think i would lose my mind. Sometimes its 2 hours before they get a customer.
My moms liquor store opens today at 10am. Im so excited and happy for her. Yesterday i helped her get ready (putting price labels on everything, putting booze away) from 11am-7:30pm...and i already worked from 5am-11am before i went there...thats like working 14 hours striaght!! haha i worked more with her than at my real job that pays me money.

Last night i broke down, i just lost it. My grandpa isnt doing good, he hasnt been doing good for months now. He is pissing and shitting blood, has high blood pressure and is losing weight fast. They think its stomach cancer. I grew up with him, he's my only grandpa i have known. I was ALWAYS at his house playing, having sleep overs. Going camping with them every year. I always thought he would be around for such a long time. He is only like 67. I thought he would be here for when i got married, or to be the grandfather of my first child. But now...he even thinks hes not going to last long. I dont know what to do. He lives in Saskatchewan near my dad...thats 12 hours away. If he can't make it down this month (he wants to see family...just in case) then im making an emergency trip there. I dont care if it costs me an arm and a leg, or if i cant go to college right away b/c i dont have enough money. I have to see him one last time b/c i dont know how much longer he will be here and i dont know if i will ever see him again.

Well i graduate on saturday...pretty exciting and scary at the same time. Im just worried that my friends will move away and ill never see them again or very very far and few times.I hope i did ok on my diplomas. I have my last one on friday...just before grad...ick!! I got my grad dress and everything. Its sooo pretty. Its a dark navy blue :)Im not going to safe grad though. Its so stupid, you have to take a bus to god knows where b/c they wont tell you annnd you have to be gone, have sombody pick you up before 5am!!! GRRR!! so im just going to party with a few friends that i actually will miss after grad. Frankly i could care less if i didnt see anybody else. Our grade is soooo stuck up and immature.

So i got turned down by an awesome summer job working for Alberta Sustainable resources. They said i did awesome during the interview but i just wasnt the right person for the job. Im so pissed off i HATE HATE HATE working at shell!!! They push around and abuse the employees. They dont give two shits about the employees and the manage is always drunk!! god i HATE it there!!! i cry about working there...who does that!! if i dont find another job asap...im not even kidding i might have to go to a nut house.

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so im in Kamsack saskatchewan right now for the holidays. It was an 11 hour drive, me and braden got there at 9 on april 3rd. It was sooo good to see the family again. I missed them so much. Megans birthday was on Sunday, she turned 8. It was good. I made her a cake from scratch that had a tie die theme to it. It was awesome :) Its actually really nice here. There are quite a few tress and they live on a HUGE farm. They have so much land its crazy!! They only live about 20 minutes away from manatoba, where there is Madge Lake. I went there last year when i was there for the summer. I took the girls swimming and it was tones of fun...to bad its still winter and cold i would LOVE to go swimming there again! The weather is really nice here, all its been since i have been here is bright sunny blue skies with no clouds. I love it! Im so glad to be here, i havent seen them since last july when i stayed for 3 weeks. I hope they can make it to my grad.....

promise

So this morning braden surprised me...me got me a promise ring. I love him so much. The ring is beautiful...he has really good taste, i cried when he gave it to me. Some people think its a bad idea to get a promise ring this soon, but honestly i cant imagine my life with any other guy and he makes me so happy. It doesnt bother me or freak me out at all. I dont think anyone will make me as happy as he has made me. Sure we fight but who doesnt, and everytime im with him he makes me laugh and smile. Im so happy with my life right now!!! <3

Awesome couple of weeks <3

so the past few weeks have been really amazing. mostly Valentines day :)Braden was really sweet. In all the months we dated he never gave me flowers. I felt really disappointed but then on Friday when the school delivered roses to people who bought them for other people i got a pink rose from him :). Then even though it wasnt valentines day he had a surprise for me at his house. When we got there, there was a huge bouque of lillies on the table. And lillies are my fav flower on the entire planet. They are soooo beautiful i loved them <3. THEN last night for valentines day he made a romantic dinner and then last minute we deicided to go to red deer and watch a movie (paul blart mall cop) its halarious! haha.

OH OH OH ANNNNNND for our one year i kinda know what he might be getting me...it could be up to $1000!!!!!!!!!! :O :O :O i have a feeling it might be a ring...and im not worried about it moving to fast because i know its like a promise ring, not anything else...and with how happy i am right now with him i honestly want to spend the rest of my life with him. We never fight, we have sooo much in common and i know how much he loves me and that his love for me is real. It makes me soo happy im with him, i have never felt like this about anyone before. <3

booooorrrreeed!!!

A

- Available: nope nope :D
- Age: Seventeen years
- Annoyance: old people who cant fricken drive!!!! get off the roads old farts!
- Animal: puppies...or kitties
- Actor: martin lawrence
- Actress: hmmm....wanda sykes (sp?)

B

- Beer: disgusting!
- Birthday/Birthplace: december 14th...olds hospital
- Best Friends: memphis, christina, jessica...braden
- Body Part on the opposite sex: personality...anyone who can make me laugh
- Best feeling in the world:being with braden
- Best weather:WARM!
- Been on stage?: ....*shudders*
- Believe in yourself?:not really
- Believe in life on other planets: nope nope nope nope nope
- Believe in miracles: psh....no
- Believe in Magic: nope nope nope nope nope
- Believe in Religion: nope not at all
- Believe in Santa: haha back in the day
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: Nope

C

- Car: errrr...mine?
- Candy: :D love 5 cent candies lol
- Cried in school: ummm in grade...7 i think
- Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate
- Chinese/Mexican:chinese
- Cake or pie: ice cream cake or apple crisp pie
- Country to visit: AUSTRALIA!!!! <3

D

- Day or Night: NIGHT
- Dream vehicle: ......idk a viper i guess
- Dance: sick no
- Dance in the rain?: hahahahahaha!!!....no
- Do the splits?: lmao.....noooooooooo

E

- Eggs: on toast
- Eyes: blue
- Everyone has a: body...lol no ummm heart? kik
- Ever failed a class?: close but no

F

- First crush:....oh god....mitch bach....grade 5
- Full name: carrie....lynn...D
- First thoughts waking up: how i dont want to get up

G

- Greatest Fear(s): NEEEEEEDLLES!!!!! ahhhhhhhh!!!!
- Goals: to not become like my parents....well my dad mostly
- Gum: good stuff?
- Get along with your parents?: when i want to
- Good luck charm: dont belive in that

- Hair Colour: blonde
- Height: 5′4
- Happy: sometimes?
- Holiday: summer
- How do you want to die: as less painfully as possible
- Health freak?: bahahahahaha!!! are you kidding?
- Hate: my step-mom, my dad for moving so far away, all the hopes he has given me and crushed them right under my nose....yea i have a lot of hate in me right now...

I

- Ice Cream: Tasty. my best friend
- Instrument: i have no musical talent....or any talent for that matter

J

- Jewelery: my family ring, grad rind and necklace from braden <3
- Job: stupid drama gas station..lol

K

- Kids: i want 2 boys and a girl
- Kickboxing or karate: i would die if i tried lol
- Keep a journal?: yea

L

- Longest Car Ride: Probably around 12-14 hours.
- Love: i think im realizing im in love now :)
- Letter(s): .......
- Laughed so hard you cried: omg every day lol
- Love at first sight: f*ck that...reminds me of romeo and juliet....cant stand that stupid play....THAT DOES NOT EVVVVVVVEEEEER HAPPEN!!!! god that play pisses me off...

M

- Milk flavour: ....milky....
- Movie: omg....i watch waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too many movies to tell....prob one of them is monster in law
- Mooned anyone?: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! mayyybbbe
- Marriage: Perhaps.
- Motion sickness?: never
- McD’s or BK: Neither

N

- Number of Siblings: Two.
- Number of Piercings: i had 6 now i have 4
- Number:.....

O

- Overused Phrases: "lol" "omg" haha
- One phobia: NEEDLES!!!! and i know its weird......but...tanning beds lol not kidding...
P

- Place you’d like to live: Australia
- Perfect Pizza: hawian
- Pepsi/Coke: pepsi all the way

Q

- Quail:......uhhhh....bird???????

R

- Reason to cry: Being hurt, being lied to...stabbed in the back by your lying stupid father who doesnt care enough to help pay for your bus ticket to see him or your sisters and now you cant see them for an entire year.....
- Reality T.V.: Stupid, yet addicting to watch.
- Radio Station: dont listen to the radio anymore (i have a sattelite radio haha)
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: No?

S

- Song:.....way too many
- Salad: Caesar.
- Shrimp?: icky!!!
- Sport?: nothing
- Skipped school: hahahahahahahahaha yes....oh god...great times in grade 8 lol
- Slept outside: Yep haha
- Seen a dead body?: Only on television.
- Shower Daily?: yes...cant stand the feeling otherwise...
- Sing well?:.....AHAAAAHAHHAAHA you will NEVER hear me sing!
- Stuffed Animals?: yea. the old...38 year old teddy bear my mom gave me when she left
- Single/Group dates: ummmm idk group dates are fun
- Strawberries/Blueberries: strawberries
- Scientists need to invent: many many MANY things

T

- Time for bed: when your sleepy :p
- Thunderstorms: Awesome.
- TV: house, CSI, video on trial, manswears!!!!!!!!! hahah
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: No.

U

- Unpredictable: my father

V
- Vegetable you hate: is spinach a vegetable? cuz if it is thats top of my list
- Vegetable you love: PEAS!!!
- Vacation spot: somewhere hot

W

- Weakness: my emotions....
- When you grow up: i want to not end up like my parents
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: uhhhh...i would say....jessica? maybe idk
- Who makes you laugh the most: jessica, memphis, braden
- Worst feeling: thinking too much
- Wanted to be a model: sick no....i like to eat food....not give it up for the world
- Worst weather: Very wet and cold.

X

-X-Ray: about 4 times in the last 2 years

Y

-Year now?: 2009
-Yellow: nasty color

Z

- Zoo animal: very sad sight
- Zodiac sign: saggitarious

warmness of the soul - Avenged Sevenfold

Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.

And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

read read read....

Thats all im doing now is read haha. I went to the city to go to Urban Planet (i have a 100 dollar gift card!) and they turned the only urban planet in red deer into an urban planet warehouse outlit, its different than the actual store and its like an upper class vallue village. It was crappy! The store looked crappy and it was just really disapointing. AND i also wanted to look at grad dresses and the only store that had AMAZING dresses got bought out or something and now they dont sell dresses at all, only regular clothes. It was very sad cuz now i have to go all the way to calgary to get my grad dress. The only thing i liked about my trip to the city was that i got 2 really good books. the one im reading now is called "City of bones" by cassandra clare. Its an amazing book so far and i would highly suggest it!