Really good christmas this year

Well i hope everybody had a good chirstmas. i Sure did. My mom got my grad ring for me, $220 dollars haha. Thats about all i got from my mom. I also got purfume, blanket, Cds, and a shirt from braden. I also got a $100 gift card for Urban Planet from bradens family. I got lots of bath stuff from various people....hmmmmm the past few days i went to Calgary to visit my uncle rick. It was really good but he had to work most of the time. We went to the mall the other day and he bought me a new phone!!! mY old phone crapped out on me...lost everything i had on it and telus was no help at all. sO I was looking at phones in the mall and my uncle bought me one! Its an LG keybo. Its pretty sweet...it has a key board on it that i have to get used to haha.
Well thats about all i have to say...ill try and update more often. HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY!!!!!

cant....function....so....tired...

Well to start off it was a really good christmas this year. I got my grad ring and braden spoiled me haha. Baby phat purfume, blanket, CDs, Clothes, gift cards. My mom and erle gave me crap for buying them so much stuff. I bought my mom a matching dish set. Purfume, a horse clock. and....i think thats it. I made erle go on a little treasure hunt to find part of his present. all in all it was pretty good this year. Oh i also got to visit my cousin who is in the army right now, training in Kingston Ontario...at the end of Jan, he is getting transfered to Edmonton...which is good because he will be closer to home.

Last night memphis and her friend kalen came over. We watched movies and played pool. They left here around 12am. At around 11 bradens sister sent him a message...His moms best friend who...is apparently bradens cousin...had an anurism and wasnt expected to make it through the night. Braden knows her pretty well...he doesnt show it but i think its kinda hit him. It was also his moms best friend and she is not doing well. Sooo...she passed away at around 5 this morning. Bradens sister had to take her Biological father to the sundre hospital...from airdry. And phoned us at 5 in the morning wondering if we could drive her back to airdry. Soooo...i never fell asleep till about 2am...and then all this happened. Im just so tired and i dont know what i can do to help braden or his family out.

Turning 17...while freezing....

Well i have been 17 for 2 days now...i feel no different than i did a week ago..but its the age you can call yourself not what you feel right? haha. Now my friends cant bug me that im not 17, but they can still bug me for being the youngest in the grade. My birthday was pretty awesome, Braden spoiled me :) took me to boston pizza for lunch, then he bought me 2 shirts and a hoodie from stitches, the new Taylor Swift Cd which i might add is an AMAZING CD. i Love her! Then he got me a tee shirt from a concert he went to on Dec.3rd, Rise Against. Needless to say my birthday was pretty good :)

But the past few days have beed freaking COLD! Last night i had to sleep on the couch beside the fireplace because i couldnt get warm. It was -38 at my house last night. Today wasnt too bad i guess. During the day it was cold...about -30 but mow its only -20. I hope it gets a little better for xmas...which is coming up really fast...10 days and im not done shopping yet!! EEK!






A really good song from talor swifts new CD fearless...


Love Story

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me; they're tryin' to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town.

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet. you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you...

9 months has never felt this good :)

So on december 9th was mine and Bradens nine month! I never thought my first serious relationship would last this long...and we haven't fought yet! i think thats a good sign but it kinda worries me that maybe when we do end up fighting we wont know how to hanle the emotions or anything and we could break up over a silly thing. I dont think that will be the case but im still worrying that it could still happen. Am i just imagining the worst or do i have a point? i dont know. But the past 9 months i dont think i could be more happy. I love him so much and i do see a future with him :) i hope it never ends.
Although happiness has to have its flaws. Braden has this thought in his mind that money can just grow out of his ass and he can buy whatever he wants without thinking. And he does not know what the meaning of SAVING MONEY is. Ugh its like he is money retarded and its so frusturating to see him complane about money and stuff when he just goes and blows it all? Like what the heck! I hope that by the time i move in he smartens up about his money or im not moving in. Im not going to end up like my dad who spends his money foolishly and lives in a shitty house and cant afford anything for themselves or the family. I dont know what to do with his money issues......

On a lighter note my birthday is in 2 days!!! :) my cake is super duper awesome! its hello kitty but a devil haha. I'll see if i can put a picture up soon. It feels good to be finally turning 17 but it still kinda sucks that im the youngest in my grade. Not even kidding....i am the youngest. People are like "oh your BD is on sunday...you excited to turn 18?" and its like.....im only turning 17... and then there all like "ohhhh.....haha wow your young!" grrrr.....stupid youngness. lol


here is what the picture on my cake looks like. Ill take a picture of it and post it!

Christmas and my birthday!! :) so close!!

So in 10 days i will be turning 17!!:) FINALLY! but its also kinda sad cuz i'm the youngest of ALL my friends and they are already 18 of very soon turning 18...its kinda sad but i will get over it. I just have to be patient right? haha easier said than done.

I dont know what else to write about. Xmas is close and im not near done my shopping yet and im soooo broke its sad haha. Well i guess some people will just have to get belated xmas gifts and get over it lol. ummmm well at the end of JAn. im going to Sask. to have my dads xmas exchange haha a little late but i cant do anything about it. Im kinda excited, but i have to take the bus there and back....not so fun for an 18 hour drive haha. The only other good thing about this trip is that Braden is coming with me and he gets to meet Jessie for the first time and my sisters...should be interesting haha

Stress and Dissapointment

So i went and finally saw the Twilight movie and all i can say about it, is that i'm VERY dissapointed in it. I thought the acting was horrible and to me it was nothing like the book. Ugh Robert Pattison is the one who playd Edward Cullen and when i read the book the image in my mind was nothing at all like him. I was really mad when i found out he was playing Edward, i just thought he was all wrong for the character. And i thought the way they had Jasper was just stupid. They way they have him, it looks like he is about to sh** himself. He looks terrified and he hardly ever says a word...he spoke what 2-3 lines? He talks a lot more in the books. Any ways...i`m not going to ramble on and rant about how dissapointed i was. There are worse things to worry about lol. Something else i should be worrying about is christmas...and how horribly broke i am...and im not done xmas shopping yet! And i still have my car payments and insurance to pay....gah!!! i wish i had like an extra month and i would be good to go!!...on a lighter note tho my birthday is in 11 day!! :) 17 here i come! lol

BuDdY <3

So yesterday i got a puppy!!! i got him from Acme and his name is Buddy and he is about 2 months old. He is a Border Collie Lab X. He is all black except for a white cross shape on his chest. He is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fricken Cute!!!! :D I have to keep him at bradens thought because i'm never home...im always at Bradens...i practically live there. I stay there everyweekend haha. So mommy wont let me keep him at home. But thats ok I think Bradens dad really really likes him haha. And he is a very very smart puppy....like i mean really smart. When we got him the owner said they were outside puppys...they have never been inside a house every, nor in a car. We drove home and we didnt have kennel or box or anything so he sat in my lap. Still and as calm as could be. And when we brought him into the house he pooped once and we smacked him and said "NO!!". Ever since then he wines if he has to go. And thats just one day! Then since nobody is home for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon, we kept him in the bathroom so that if he did have an accident then it would be easy to clean up. Not once did he poop or pee in there. He held it till we got home and took him inside. Plus he rode with me up and around town in my car just calmly sitting in the passenger seat!

I'm so happy and proud of him haha. He is sooo well behaved :) <3

.............

So some kinda interesting things have happend over the last few weeks. Lets see....Well halloween was boring, i had to work but it was cute because many kids dressed up came in and if they were 12 and under and had a costume on then they got some candy and a free hot chocolate. :)
Next weekend, the weekend of the 21st im going to stay with Carah in stettler, i havent seen her in a REALLY long time and on the 21st we are going to red deer to watch the movie Twilight! :) i'm really excited, the books are really good although i was not a huge fan of the last book Breaking Dawn. I didnt even finish it, got about 3/4 finished and then i just got distracted and never finished it. The only thing i'm not looking forward to seeing in the movie is the guy who plays Edward....its not how i pictured him at all and he just doesnt fit...idk maybe my thoughts will change after i see the movie.
Christmas is coming up and i have some really cool gifts for my family so far and i'm excited for it :) also my birthday is on the 14th and i'm FINALLY turning 17 haha




AMAZING SONG!!!!!

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love
Purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around, When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade... A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love Hope is hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around, When I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to youI left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

blah blah blah

well not too much to write about. my life is really boring haha. ummm lets see....I just got over a really bad flu bug and ugh it was like the worst night ever. I was up till 5 in the morning getting sick...i'm glad thats over. I'm working at Shell now...that beside A&W and i'm making lots more than i did at IGA. I need to make more money now that i have a new car and have to make $300 dollar payments on it each month...yea its a lot but the car is worth it. Its more reliable and a lot better on gas...and it looks nicer haha. Braden bought my old car cuz he needed one until he turns 18 and gets his inheritance.
Lets see....my school marks are really good right now. All high 80s or 90s...thats because i only have english as my main course and i'm in the lower english haha. Last friday i went to the olds college to see what i need to take to work at the ASPCA and i have to be an Animal Health Technologist. Its a 2 year course but first i need to take a year off after i graduate to get my chemistry because i need it and i never took it in high school. Its giong to cost a lot of money so i hope i can get a few scholar ships before then or else get student lones or grants.

Happy thoughts! <3

so many things have happened over the past few weeks. one is i got a new car!!!!!!!! :):):):):) i'm so happy haha. its a 2004 ford focus....its purdy :) i love it...except its going to cost me $206 for payments a month and $160 for insurance......eek! i quit soybes becasuse i need a better paying job. So i got a job at Big Sky Market. I start next week so i hope everything goes okay. School started last week and i think first semester will be really easy but i'm thinking that next semester will not be so good.....hmmmm what else to write about..... :D tomorrow is mine and Bradens 6 months :) it makes me really happy we have gone this far and i hope it keeps going. I love him so much!
well i think thats all i have to write about so far....



happy 6 month babe!!! <3<3<3 :)


Tangled up in you be Staind.

You're my world The shelter from the rain
You're the pills That take away my pain
You're the light That helps me find my way
You're the words When I have nothing to say

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am Still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you Still tangled up in you

You're the fire That warms me when i'm cold
You're the hand I have to hold as I grow old
You're the shore When I am lost at sea
You're the only thing That I like about me

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am Still tangled up in you I'm still tangled up in you

How long has it been Since this storyline began
And I hope it never ends
And goes like this forever In this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am Still tangled up in you
Tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you Still tangled up in you

needing a new car asap!

So my car is being a peice right now. It's leeking anit freeze like crazy and we dont know where it's coming from and now is has a horrible clunking noise thats not good at all. So my mom is looking for a new car soon. We might go into calgary next week to look at 3 of them. I really hope we can buy one cuz i need a diff car thats better on gas and more reliable haha.

coming home

so i'm coming home in 5 days which makes me sooooo happy! miss my family and friends so much :( i have never spent this much time away from home and its killing me.
I got a hair cut and its baaaadddd....reeeaaaallly bad i hate it sooo much!!! i hope it growns back in time for school pictures......
I'm really excited cuz when i get home saturday, i'm going to Bradens sisters with him to help baby sit. and it's over night so i get to spend my first day home with him :) i'm really excited about that!

Saskatchewan

Well i have been here two days and already i want to come home. I miss everybody so much. I only got to see my mom for a couple hours before i left because she was on a fishing trip for a week and came back the day i left. I really miss Braden too, i phoned him last night and just hearing his voice made it worse. Even thought i'm having a good time with my sisters here, really want to come home, i dont think i can last a month. My dads house is big and it's really nice!! I have a really big room and they have LOTS and LOTS of land. when it stops raining i want to go for walks on it, and hopefully start riding the horse that they have there.

If i gave you the truth would it keep you alive?

So this summer is going to be pretty crappy for the most part. I'm spending half the summer at my dads in Saskatchewan. I dont know how i'm going to handle being away from all my friends and family and braden. I'm driving down, my dad is going to meet me in three hills and i'm following him down the rest of the way. We are going to try and sell my car when we are there and then i will buy a car back in Alberta. The new house they have looks really nice and i can't wait to see it. I hope will be able to have a good time there. I dont know if i should break up with braden, at least for the time i'm gone. I dont want to hold him back or anything. If he finds a girl over the month i'm gone i dont want to have him miss a chance of being happy. And if something happens and he is with another girl he wont be cheating on me if i break up with him. But i really like him and i dont want to, i just dont want to hold him back. I'm so confused and i dont know what to do, i dont know if i should break up with him and see what happens when i come back, or if i should stay with him.....

Scary

So yesterday at work was like one of the most scariest days ever. I lost my vision for like a minute. I started working at 11 yesterday and everything was fine. At 11:30 i got REALLY hot like really fast and i got kinda dizzy. So i went up to customer service and got some tylonal. As i was walking back to my till my vision kind of went really blurry. Then when i got to my till everything went black...completely black. My eyes were still open i just couldn't see anything. I was so scary i almost started crying, i thought i went blind. I yelled at jordan to run my till cuz i had customers. I just kinda walked back slowly until i felt jordans till and then i just slid down to the floor. I heard someone yell to cheryl (our supervisor) and she came and talked to me. By then my vision had come back and i was fine, I was just extremley hot and it was hard to breath. I was so scared. She wanted to take me to the hospital but i refused. I had just gotten to work and i didn't want to just leave them. I had something to eat and then went back to work. I was fine when i was working, i just had a really bad head ache and i would get really hot sometimes. My mom came in at 3 and talked to cheryl and she told my mom what had happened. She took me to the hospital and all the doctor told me was that it was a migraine and that i'm supposed to make a head ache diary and everytime i get a head ache i'm supposed to write down what i was doing at the time and how long it lasts and things like that, to see if there is a pattern with my head aches.

i hope it's nothing to worry about....

Fall into place

So today is my moms birthday (the big 40 haha) and our friend Sharon Cole is coming out today. Me and Sharon have been plotting against my mom and have been planing for Sharon to come and surprise my mom for her birthday. She is coming after school sometime, i'm really excited to see her. I used to go there every summer when my mom and dad were still together. She has a son jesse (i'm exactly one week older than him) and i grew up with him. He is a pretty cool guy, he is really quiet though....he is worse than me! And you have to be REALLY shy to be worse than me haha. I saw him last year but he can't come out today, he has rugby or something like that.

I talked to Braden last night trying to convince him that he should be spending more time with his friends, like the ones that he doesn't see very often. His cousin is coming to stay at his house from cremona and he still wants me to hang out with him today. I have no problem with it but it seems like i spend A LOT of time with him and i dont want his friends thinking that i'm stealing him away or anything. I always worry about that, he says i shouldn't but i still do, i'm always wondering what his friends think cuz i dont want them to hate me or anything and i dont want to be the cause of any fights. He also told me that he worries that he is not giving me enough personal space or time. I like having not a lot of time on my hands to my self because when i'm by myself and have nothing to do i tend to think a lot and that usually ends up in my crying over something...and it's usually something i cry about a lot.

I'm so confused, i want to give him more time with his friends but he always wants to hang out. i dont know what to do.

In the End

So first off i have a happy note for me haha. My mom found my phone so i dont have to get a new one. XD Braden came over for supper last night for the first time....it was really good and my mom likes him so that is good, i was just nervous haha. We went through my baby pics haha it was interesting :D next time i go to his house i want to go through his hehe.

Last night i talked to megan...every time i talk to her she says she can't wait for summer and when she asked how long the summer holidays were i told her 2 months. She thinks i'm staying for the whole 2 months but i'm not. I'm only staying a month...if that. I dont know if i could be away from home for that long. she was really upset when i told her that i wasn't going to be there for the whole summer. I wish she wouldn't cry over the phone, it just makes me upset and it makes me feel like a terrible sister. I dont know what to do or say to make her feel better.

Blah

So i'm sitting in my nice cool house, not looking forward to going to work in the boiling hot weather....actually it's not that hot, but when you have to wear black pants and a heavy tee shirt it is haha.

So the dance was okay i guess, i had more fun that i was with people i wanted to hang around with. So it wasn't that bad. I got my little cousin jeremy to dance his first slow dance with jessica...awwwwe!!! it made me happy haha!!

So how about i lost my cell phone haha. I'm pretty sure it's at bradens but when we looked for it we couldn't find it, i wonder if they will give me a new one if i said it was stolen? haha prob not but i can always hope and try right? XD

I will protect you from all around you, i will be here, dont you cry.

So this weekend should be pretty interesting, i work ALL the long weekend. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. It's going to be a very long weekend, i don't even think i have time to do anything.

I think Braden will want to hang out whenever I'm not working, but i don't know if i want to. It seems like he wants to hang out ALL the time. And i know that if we continue to hang out all the time then i don't know how long the relationship will last. So i think I'm just going to tell him that i just want to be alone this weekend. I was supposed to go camping this weekend with him out west, and it's pre grad and there will be a crap load of people there and a lot of them i wont even know. I don't want to go because i will just feel out of place.

The dance is tonight and I'm kind of nervous. I never have fun at dances, i always get ditched and i feel out of place and i don't dance very well....at all. I'm so self conscious about myself and I'm always worried about what other people think. I know i shouldn't but when you have friends who are all 20 times prettier and smarter than you it's hard not to be self conscious.

well i think I'm done my rant now. I guess i will just have to wait and see what happens tonight.

god bless this broken road that lead me straight to you

So me and braden have been dating for 2 months now and a lot of things have happend between the first few days and where we are now. I'm not too sure of what to think or do because i ahev never felt this way about anybody before. He says he loves me and i say it back but i dont know what love is....i'm not sure of how i'm supposed to feel, and i dont want to tell him that. Dont get me wrong, i like him a lot and i want to love him but i dont know how. I dont know what to say or do to prove to him that i love him too.
Ever since i have started dating him i have found myself happier. I look forward to go to school just so i get to see him and it's sooo easy to talk to him about anything. But the one thing i wont do when i date him is put him in front of my friends. My friends are my #1 priority and nothing will change that. I hope all my friends know that. And if i do something to them, like ditch them for him i hope they tell me because i wont do it intentionally.

not sure about life

So for the past few weeks i'm not sure if i'm happy, depressed, sad, angry....i just dont know anymore. I miss my sisters soooo much and i really want to see them. I know when i'm at school i act happy and everything, i just dont want to bother my friends with my stupid emotions that i can't control. they have enough to worry about with their own lives that they dont need my problems on top of it. I cry when i get home and i usually cry myself to sleep. and half the time i dont even know why i cry, i just do. half my problem is that i think to much, i always worry about things that i know i shouldn't worry about. i dont know whats wrong with me i just wish i could be happy so people will stop asking me if i'm ok. but i dont know what to do anymore...

Today is a winding road

well i think i'm going to use this from now on, i need a place to vent where nobody cares of what i say.

I'm so stressed right now, and i'm so confused with life. I dont know who to turn to and who i can talk to without anybody judging me. Even if they dont give advice or help, i just need to talk to somebody where they will actually listen, not change the subject and start talking about themselves like they couldn't care less of how i feel. Honestly with some of my friends i feel like i could kill myself and they wouldn't care. I feel like i'm just another person who hangs out with them and they only talk to me to be nice. Well you know what? If they weren't my "friends" i would feel better than them saying they are my friends and then have them go behind my back and start talking about me and saying shit about me. I dont know who are really my friends and who are just pretending.