where to begin...

well im sad to say that this is going to be quite a depressing blog. I feel like im going no where in life. I have no desire to go to college or university. I have No idea what i want to do for the rest of my life. And it's a half and half battle. "Oh you have lots of time dont worry about it, your still young. Its not like what you choose now will be what you do for the rest of your life, you have so many opportunities." or "Well you better not put it off too long before you know it you will be 30 and have kids no time for school and will go no where and be nobody." Thanks guys...real big help. I want to see the future but i dont know what im seeing. I dont know where to start and when. UGH i hate this.

Apparently god likes to bring my family down a notch just when things are getting better. My great-aunt judy (whom all the family is very close with) has been in the hospital since Feb 14th. She has numerous brain aneurysm's. She has been spiraling down wards ever since. She has been suffering with pain, loss of memory and depression for almost 3 months. A week ago the family signed a DNR so that if she goes the docs are not supposed to save her. Just let her go. And i know that its the best way cuz she will never be the same, her quality of life will never be the same. She wont remember any of her family and wont be able to do things on her own again. I just dont like the thought of my family dwindling. My family has gone through hell and back for the last couple years with tragedy and it seems like its never going to stop.

Well braden got the job at sunpine. He makes 22.35 an hour, 11 hours a day 5 days a week :) he works 2 weeks nights 2 weeks days :) im very very very happy for him. Im still looking for another job and i have put my resume in at a bunch of places, now i just have to cross my fingers and hope i get a call soon, cuz this 12 hours a week is bull shi*. I got my car fixed from all the hail damage and the hit and run from august, new windsheild...spoiled car. hmmm lets see nothing else to talk about really.

lost and stressed

Wow where to start...been like 3 or so months since i have blogged...Well not much good news to say. My grandpa passed away Oct 29th, he had cancer all over his body and there was nothing that they could do. I feel so bad for my grandma, now she is left all alone in Sask, in a hamlet of like 20 ppl, very few family close by. She cant even sell the house and come back cuz no one out there is gonna buy a house in the buck fuck no where, where you have to drive a half hour to even get a jug of milk. I really miss her and i hope i can see her again soon.
Braden and i have been....ok..we are fighting more but thats just cuz we are so stressed out about everything. He currently has no job cuz he was told he has a really really good job in cochran and the day he was supposed to start they said they were too slow and not hiring anymore (even though the guy said he was hired and he put his 2 weeks notice at shell) ugh but tomorrow he has a job interview at Sunpine and if not there my dad is trying to get him a job at the shop as an apprentice..which is good. But he has been out a job for the past 3 weeks and my pay cheques suck right now b/c they cut me down to 12 hours a week b/c Jan and Feb, are the 2 slowest months of the year. I cant live off that shit! 12 hrs a week doest even cover my car payment for the month, thats also not including my insurance, gas, rent or food. FML...so now i have been trying to get a second job, or a better Ft job that pays more. there are a few places that im going to try...now its just crossing my fingers and praying.
So ya i hope that once things are not so deep in the hole me and braden will get better. He is honestly the love of my life, i cant imagine my future without him. I know im still young and everything but i dont want it to be any other way. <3

Mmmmm not much else to talk about, Ill really try to blog more often.